News
World Events Affect Us All, including Children
August 15, 2024
Events around the world can have a lasting impact on people at home, including our children. We are inundated with reports and images of the aftermath of homicides, natural disasters, accidents and other tragedies in the 24-hour news cycle. These images are driven even deeper by our constant connection to social media platforms. Try as we might, insulating our children so they aren’t exposed to the content can be an uphill battle. How do we approach these topics with our children when they struggle to comprehend the event, its cause, and its effect on others or society? One thing is certain: we cannot simply pretend like the events aren’t happening.
“Many patterns for how we handle grief as adults began with how we were taught to handle grief as children,” said Richard DeFord, board-certified chaplain and Grief Recovery Specialist at Fitzgibbon Hospital. “When we choose to ignore the incident, or use common grief myths like ‘don’t cry,’ ‘don’t feel scared,’ we are teaching them to ignore their natural feelings. This can cause real problems when they experience personal loss later in life.”
DeFord administers a free, eight-week grief recovery program at Fitzgibbon Hospital, made possible through contributions to the Fitzgibbon Home Health and Hospice Memorial Fund, which was founded through the Fitzgibbon Mary Montgomery Hospice. Any adult encountering grief from any of the more than 40 types of loss, including death, divorce or significant life change is welcome to attend and learn the actions necessary to properly manage and recover from their grief.
“One of the challenges we have as parents or other individuals who have direct contact with children is knowing how much we should talk about such life-altering events in the world outside of our families. The level of communication can definitely differ, depending on the maturity level of the child. But here are some great tips for how to engage with them.”
- Understand you are the parent, grandparent, teacher or important adult in the child’s life, so being honest with your own feelings gives them permission to share their feelings.
- Understand that grief and fear are natural human emotions and talking through them are both healthy and necessary. Suppressing these emotions can lead to long-term problems in future relationships.
- Ask open-ended questions to give the child a chance to talk about how they are feeling. Some children may require more coaxing though you sharing your feelings alongside of them. Simply asking “how are you feeling,” can lead to them saying they are FINE. Fine means Feelings Inside Not Expressed.
- Be vulnerable. Don’t worry about putting on a brave face. You can be Superman, or you can be real. It is much healthier and better for your child to be real, because they will emulate your behavior.
- Each situation is unique.Each experience is also different. Comparing what your child is feeling to someone or something else minimizes how they may be feeling. Instead, validate what they are experiencing by continuing to ask them questions. When they say, “this made me sad,” respond with, “what part makes you the saddest?” This keeps them talking.
- Watch open promises on which you cannot deliver. Saying things like, “Everything is going to be ok,” can seem hollow. Instead, say, “We will do everything we can to make sure we are safe.”
- Lastly, children can be very perceptive. It is important that you treat them with the care and dignity that you would want to experience yourself. And when you do this with a genuine love for who they are, they will form a healthy basis for how to manage struggle in their future.
The next Grief Recovery Group will form with a community-wide meeting at 6 p.m. on Tuesday, Aug 20, in the classroom suite on the second floor of Fitzgibbon Hospital. The group is free and will total nine weeks, including the community meeting. You can watch for event announcements or track progress of current sessions by going to www.fitzgibbon.org/grief.